Resist the urge to reduce their illness to a Bible verse. It’s easy to quote Scripture when people are struggling, but Jesus hardly ever did that. Instead, he moved toward them with compassion. In the end, most persons struggling with bipolar won’t receive your words the way you intend (1 Cor. 13) and will feel you’ve minimized their experience. For example, a person struggling with severe anxiety disorder isn’t helped by sending them a text that reads, “Be anxious for nothing.” There is a difference between normal anxiety and overwhelming anxiety. There are certain aspects of the illness that are beyond the control of will-power or self-disciple. That’s the equivalent of reminding a prodigal’s parents, “The Bible says, ‘Train up a child in the way they should go; when they are old they won’t depart from it.’”
Don’t confuse mania with sin or demonic possession. Severely manic persons can exhibit wildly, strange behavior. For example, in the midst of a severe manic episode Mary maxed out her credit cards on spending sprees. She did this at 2:00am while everyone else was asleep. With most people, someone would step in to discuss her spending habits and help her regain a handle on her finances. It might be appropriate to suggest a Dave Ramsey course or encourage her with verses such as, “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb.13:5).
But Mary doesn’t have a sin problem; she is in the midst of a manic episode that has highjacked her ability to reason. Her energy levels are off the charts and her grandiose thinking is propelling her into more and more risky behavior (e.g. spending excessive amounts of money). Even if you propose these very good solutions to her, Mary is not in the mental space to receive them. At best, she will ignore your advice because her mind and body are operating at an incredible level. In a worse case scenario, Mary would accuse you of trying to control her or get at her money.
Likewise, this doesn’t mean she is possessed. Despite her lack of sleep, racing thoughts and erratic behavior, these are symptoms of a severe mental illness—not demonic activity.Don’t distance yourself from them. People who are depressed or manic often behave in ways that make us uncomfortable. They say things like, “Life isn’t worth living” or “I’m going to star in a movie. My life is the script.” Someone who is depressed might never want to get out of bed, while someone who is manic won’t sit still. It can be difficult to be around people in these states, yet that is precisely what Jesus calls us to do.
Educate yourself about their illness. By this point, the need for understanding mental illness should be obvious. When we experience flu-like symptoms, most of us go online to find out what we have, how to treat it, and how long it will last. The same is true of mental illness. Find out as much as you can to better understand what your loved one is facing and how to best help.
Recognize that not every emotional reaction is a symptom of bipolar. The International Bipolar Foundation says it best: “For someone without bipolar disorder, it can be easy to assume that all highly emotional reactions are connected to emotional instability symptoms. However, this is certainly not always going to be the case. Your partner is human, and has emotional reactions that are rational, justified, and normal. As a whole, every relationship has times where each person believes their partner is being ridiculous, but it is a much easier line of thought when your partner does struggle with symptoms of bipolar.”
This especially true following manic episodes. For a long time afterward, you will find yourself over-analyzing every emotional reaction your loved one may express asking, “Is it starting again?” This is no way to live and, more importantly, it's unfair to the person who is trying to establish normality in their lives. It is vital that we create margin for them to become healthy without adding the pressure of being under a microscope.Set boundaries. Mania episodes can bring unhealthy behavior. This article from Bipolar Caregivers provides excellent advice for setting boundaries with risky behavior. (That particular website is extremely helpful and practical for understanding bipolar and living with someone diagnosed.) Following up with Mary’s example, a proper boundary might be for their partner to create a separate bank account in order to protect her and everyone involved. This is the loving and kind action.
Encourage them to get professional help. Nick first descended into deep depression. He didn’t want to go to work or even get out of bed. His days were spent in a dark tunnel with no way out. That’s when he decided to take his life. He was unsuccessful, but the misery continued. He and his wife were committed to Christ and had great relationships in their local church. He began seeing a Christian counselor who had no professional license or any experience with mental illness. So, the counselor never suggested that Nick see a mental health professional. At some point, a switch flipped and Nick became very manic. He went from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. All the while, neither his counselor nor church encouraged professional help. They didn’t know what was going on and had no idea how to help. Nick's illness became worse and he suffered greatly. The mental illness was more than the church could handle. Instead of trying to solve the issue themselves, they should have referred Nick to someone who could properly diagnose and treat. Think about it: if your car needs repair, you go to a mechanic. If you have a heart attack, you go to the hospital. And if you have a mental illness, you should see a mental health professional.
Care for the caregiver. This is an extremely tangible and often overlooked need. Family and friends of persons with bipolar are usually stretched to their limits. These posts explain the need and provide ways to care for the caregiver.
Visit them if they are hospitalized. What comes to mind when you think about a psychiatric ward? Most of us have never seen the inside of a mental hospital and the ideas we develop come from movies and television. The idea of visiting someone there can be very intimidating. We've covered important things to know before visiting a mental hospital, so here we'll just point out something else. Namely, that no one wants to be there. They are isolated, afraid, and feel misunderstood. You don't have to have any of the answers, but your presence is a reminder that someone cares for them.
9 ways you can support persons with bipolar
